UPDATED 24 Dec 2008: I got this from a couple of different sources, so I didn't realize when I drafted this post that Dirk wrote this query. Yesterday. Dirk is obviously a genius with a huge spirit.
Courtesy of SQL Ranger Dirk Gubbels, here’s a query for the season.
Run this query in the master database on a SQL Server 2005 or SQL Server 2008 instance. Text output works best, but grid output is okay. It’s guaranteed safe..
with FirstTable as (select top 14 row_number() over (order by name) therow from master.sys.objects)
, SecondTable as (select replicate(char(32),15) theLine)
, ThirdTable as (select replicate(char(124),3) theOtherLine)
, ForthTable as (
select left(db_name(4),1) ) + (
select substring(db_name(2),2,1) ) + (
select replicate(substring(db_name(1),6,1),2) ) + (
select replace(schema_name(4),'s','') ) + (
select char(max_length * 2) from master.sys.types where system_type_id = 36) + (
select top 1 substring(wait_type,10,2) from master.sys.dm_os_wait_stats where wait_type like 'PageIo%' ) + (
select substring(@@version,4,1) ) + (
select substring(object_name(55),4,2) ) + (
select convert(char(1),(reverse(convert(char(7),name)))) from sys.configurations where configuration_id = 124 ) + (
select left(db_name(1),3) ) theEnd
select case therow
when 11 then stuff( theLine,(datalength(theLine)/2) - 1,3,TheOtherLine)
when 13 then upper(theEnd )
else stuff( theLine,(datalength(theLine)/2) - (theRow/2),therow,replicate(char(42),therow)) end ' '
cross join SecondTable
cross join ThirdTable
cross join ForthTable
Best wishes for a blessed and happy holiday!