I Hate Glass


Forget circles. Forget copper. I mean, sure, I get that I'm not supposed to use or pick up copper, but glass just completely freaks me out.

I'm more scared of glass than I am of spiders. And I'm really scared of spiders, so scared I couldn't even use this "World Wide Web" until I'd sprayed the monitor with insect repellent.

Why do I harbour an obviously irrational fear of something so common in everyday life?

Let's break down the reasons I live in morbid fear of glass:

  • It's not a solid, it just pretends to be one. Someone in the depths of my memory claimed that glass is actually a super-cooled liquid, and I believe them. You can see old windows thicker at their base than at the top, as the glass slowly melts downwards, slowly plotting our demise over aeons.
  • Glass is everywhere. Glasses. Windows.
  • It breaks into millions of billions of tiny little shards. Sure, shards might be triangles, but I think the glass really wants to be round. Like mercury.
  • If any one of the aforementioned tiny shards ends up in your bloodstream, it can kill you.
  • A big shard can damage you as well. There is no upside to a glass shard.
  • The little tiny shards are so hard to see.
  • The little tiny shards are currently coating my bedroom floor.

Okay, so there's a fairly immediate reason to fear glass in my case - my girlfriend broke a large mirror on the bedroom floor, next to the walk-in closet that my clothes sometimes end up in.

I spent from 1:00am to about 1:45am last night trying to vaccuum up all the glinting bits on the carpet, but I know I've missed some. I know it's going to show up by piercing my foot at some point in the future maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, maybe not for the next three or four years.

Glass has time. As H.G. Wells once said about another alien menace: "Slowly, and surely, they drew their plans against us".

So what to do about the glass threat?

The answer may already be among us. We know from Star Trek IV that Scotty gave the formula for transparent aluminium to a scientist somewhere in America during the late 80's, while we were busy hunting the whales to extinction. We also know that the dynamics alone for such a thing might take years to work out, but that when they are finally worked out, that bloke will be a rich man.

Well, soon-to-be-rich man that invents transparent aluminium, it's been years. You've had the time, and I am queuing up to give you my money for a new, unshatterable mirror. If you can't deliver, please give the formula to someone that can.

Comments (11)

  1. Uwe Keim says:

    So I really didn’t understand a single word you’re saying, but the hand-drawn images on the first link surely look …well… creative 🙂

  2. Barry Dorrans says:

    Supercooled? That would mean every window pane would be impossible to touch. It’s just a liquid with a a high viscosity. Stained glass windows tend to have a lower viscosity and flow faster (if you can call periods of hundreds of years fast) because they tend to contain lead.

  3. mike says:

    Tell me about it. I don’t know how many times I’ve broken one of those old glass (when they actually were glass :P) Christmas Ball decorations, and sliced my foot on the super thin shards that just don’t seem to want to be vaccumed up. Hopefully your girlfriend isn’t superstitious.

    Offtopic, on the topic of the xbox moniter issue (it is closed, so I decided to just append this to the bottom of my reply), do you think a generic Componant->DVI adapter would function, such as this one?

    <http://store.niveusmedia.com/s.nl/sc.2/category.3/it.A/id.166/.f&gt;

  4. TristanK says:

    Barry: Thanks for clearing up the supersooled liquid theory.

    Damn viscous glass.

    Denny: In short: Broken mirror. Bedroom. Living in fear.

    Mike: Maybe – I thought it was the wrong way around at first glance; now I’m not sure.

  5. Darryn says:

    OMG! I am also incredibly frightened of glass. I am quite sure that I will die by the hand of glass, in the way that some people are certain that they will die in a car. I don’t like glass enclosed showers (one slip and I’m dead). I give glass coffee tables a wide berth also. A person could easily fall through one of those and then it is all over.

    btw it was me that told you that glass is a really thick liquid. I don’t know where you got this supercooled stuff from.

  6. You can already get an unshatterable mirror, what do you think they use in prisons?

    Solution: Go to prison, you will only find shatter proof glass. The reason? They’ve already worked out that’s too dangerous and prisoners will only hurt themselves or the guards.

  7. petal says:

    be grateful you’re not Cinderella

  8. Darryn says:

    I think that they just use polished steel for mirrors in prisons.

  9. mike says:

    The comment about glass being liquid is rather shocking! Also, Darryn, I believe you are correct about steel mirrors in prison. After they were broken and made into knives, there’s no way they’ll risk real mirrors.

    Offtopic:

    I’m probally going to buy a VGA-DVI adapter, and test my ACD on the VGA port of my video card. If that functions, I’ll buy a xbox->VGA adapter, and go from there. I’ll post if I make progress.

  10. TristanK says:

    Cool- let me know how you go!

Skip to main content