[Funnies] Preparing for a Phone Conference

Many have had to deal with this problem. And it shouldn't REALLY be an issue. But phone conferences can be a nightmare.  Some things should really be addressed before you get involved in one.

A telephone.

Get one. Now I know this seems one of those "DUH" things but HOW many times have I tried to start a phone conference and said to myself, "Boy I sure wish I had a telephone!". I don't understand the technical reasons or the why. But one of these is involved. And DON'T bother with one from a garage sale or dollar store.

A room.

Yeah, I know. It is "technically" possible but not actually "feasible" to hold a phone conference outside with the pretty birds chirping, or an airliner buzzing overhead. But you're not going to hear much if anything. And the room should PROBABLY (not completely sure on this one) be a quiet one. Doing the conference in the family room in the basement while a large online "Halo 3" battle is ongoing... Not really a good idea. Sound proof is best!

A working phone line.

Now I know this might mean paying up the bills first and having a chat with "Ma Bell" but I've been told that if you need the phone to work, it WILL require a phone line. You could TRY cheating with a cell phone but the problem there in lays that cells listen to bands. If the right band is not in the room, the cell will not play. And thus, there goes your chance at a conference.

A glass of water.

You could conceivable do this without liquids, and you might sound cool coming off as "The Godfather". But people might need to understand what you say. Juice is nice. Beer COULD work but depending on the people you're talking to... Well a large "B-R-A-P" sound in the middle of the conversation might go over poorly on the deal.

Facilities.

Use them. Use them BEFORE the conference. I mean, let's face it. Who wants to hear "Ka-FLUSHHHHHH" in the middle of a million dollar deal or job interview? NOBODY. (Even although it is rather amusing afterwards)

Power.

Get a UPS hooked up. A good one. You don't need that all important thing to go poorly because you were too darn cheap to buy a decent UPS to run your systems. Besides, if they power fails how are you going to update Twitter with the meeting results?

Rest.

Getting a nap is a good idea sometimes. Just imagine a loud "YAAAAAAAWWWWWWN" coming over the system. So much for that "Excited wanting to close the deal part"

Technical instructions.

This seems pretty not needed doesn't it? But there are some people who still, to this day , DON'T KNOW HOW TO WORK A PHONE! If you are one? Get a friend to help you. Practice a LOT before a phone conference. You don't need to look like a newbie playing "Mary Had A Little Lamb" during the conference call.

I hope this saves somebody’s butt from trouble!