[Funnies] Job Hunting Tips

Sean is back with a humorous take on job hunting.  While some of it is pure fun, there are a lot of great tips as well!


Dos and Don'ts when trying to apply to a large major corporation whose name we shall not name...

DO - Be Persistent in checking out the job listings

DON'T - Go online and start writing completely new and fake job postings "Just to throw the competition off"

DO - respond politely to email requests and communications

DON'T - get super laid back and candor in emails.   Sending funny videos is never a good idea.

DO - Be professional when you meet people from the company.

DON'T - Jump about like a half crazed gerbil on coffee when you meet them.

DO - Sit down politely at lunch time, order lunch.  Offer to pay when done.

DON'T - order the "Ultra Mega All you can Eat" with a five quarts of beer to wash it down.

DO - Buy a decent and appropriately expensive suit for your interview.

DON'T - Buy that suit at "Goodwill" or "Salvation Army".   It will probably show through.

DO - Arrive early.

DON'T - Arrive at about 3am in the morning before even the security guards wake up.

DO - Shake hands if you get to meet somebody appropriately high up in the corporation.

DON'T - Begin bowing down before them like in "Wayne's World" - 'I'm not worthy, I'm not worthy'

DO - Carry your resume with you in paper as well as digital form.

DON'T - Carry it on "Toilet Paper" and the "Digital" should not be your fingers.

DO - Be professional in any phone interviews.

DON'T - Drink three cans of Rockstar and let your enthusiast out of the bag.  It will probably go badly for you.

DO - Show what knowledge you have or don't.

DON'T - Start making up answers and questioning the interviewer’s abilities to answer 2+2.

DO - Sit down in a nice quiet spot for your phone interviews, preferably a desk with maybe some internet access.

DON'T - Sit down in a hot 4x4 truck in the middle of summer weather with a recently rebuilt laptop running Linux and no internet.

DO - Accept failures when they happen, and learn from your mistakes.

DON'T - Sit down bawling like a two year old for an hour.  It ain't helping' buddy!

DO - try to make a human connection with people working there.

DON'T - make that human connection a massive round up of the staff in to a small room and say "Hire me or I'll turn this large cage of gerbils loose in the office."

DO - keep in communication via email with those you meet.

DON'T - Send so many emails that corporate Head office and security began marking you as "Potential Spam"

DO - Be funny at funny times and serious at serious times.

DON'T - laugh like a madman giggling incessantly and then having a staring contest with the interviewer.

DO - follow up on blogging and communications from the company regarding their interview process.

DON'T - go into the blogging sites and start making up lies again to "Scare off the competition"

DO - Target your job search in the forums or online systems.

DON'T - sit down on a Sunday morning and start going "Click click click" to fill out EVERY potential posting, even if there ARE 1,000's online.  That could appear desperate.

Do - Again, make that human connection through communication.

DON'T - Do that human connection by roasting and making up silly stories about people in the company.   It might go JUST a little too far.

DO - Most importantly be persistent in your quest.   If you qualify, you will get hired.

DON'T - make that persistence in to a large email, spam, junk mail, flyer, airplane buzzing the head office and TV Ad campaign.   The job is cool, but the costs of this might not offset the yearly revenue.

Comments (1)

  1. ye110wbeard says:

    Especially take note of that bit about letting the enthusiast out.   It truly SEEMED like a great idea at the time.  

    Not so good when you’re interviewing for a Lab Engineer.

    Sounds funny, but BOY it wasn’t afterwards.  

    I learned.

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