Sean is back with a humorous take on job hunting. While some of it is pure fun, there are a lot of great tips as well!
Dos and Don’ts when trying to apply to a large major corporation whose name we shall not name…
DO – Be Persistent in checking out the job listings
DON’T – Go online and start writing completely new and fake job postings “Just to throw the competition off”
DO – respond politely to email requests and communications
DON’T – get super laid back and candor in emails. Sending funny videos is never a good idea.
DO – Be professional when you meet people from the company.
DON’T – Jump about like a half crazed gerbil on coffee when you meet them.
DO – Sit down politely at lunch time, order lunch. Offer to pay when done.
DON’T – order the “Ultra Mega All you can Eat” with a five quarts of beer to wash it down.
DO – Buy a decent and appropriately expensive suit for your interview.
DON’T – Buy that suit at “Goodwill” or “Salvation Army”. It will probably show through.
DO – Arrive early.
DON’T – Arrive at about 3am in the morning before even the security guards wake up.
DO – Shake hands if you get to meet somebody appropriately high up in the corporation.
DON’T – Begin bowing down before them like in “Wayne’s World” – ‘I’m not worthy, I’m not worthy’
DO – Carry your resume with you in paper as well as digital form.
DON’T – Carry it on “Toilet Paper” and the “Digital” should not be your fingers.
DO – Be professional in any phone interviews.
DON’T – Drink three cans of Rockstar and let your enthusiast out of the bag. It will probably go badly for you.
DO – Show what knowledge you have or don’t.
DON’T – Start making up answers and questioning the interviewer’s abilities to answer 2+2.
DO – Sit down in a nice quiet spot for your phone interviews, preferably a desk with maybe some internet access.
DON’T – Sit down in a hot 4×4 truck in the middle of summer weather with a recently rebuilt laptop running Linux and no internet.
DO – Accept failures when they happen, and learn from your mistakes.
DON’T – Sit down bawling like a two year old for an hour. It ain’t helping’ buddy!
DO – try to make a human connection with people working there.
DON’T – make that human connection a massive round up of the staff in to a small room and say “Hire me or I’ll turn this large cage of gerbils loose in the office.”
DO – keep in communication via email with those you meet.
DON’T – Send so many emails that corporate Head office and security began marking you as “Potential Spam”
DO – Be funny at funny times and serious at serious times.
DON’T – laugh like a madman giggling incessantly and then having a staring contest with the interviewer.
DO – follow up on blogging and communications from the company regarding their interview process.
DON’T – go into the blogging sites and start making up lies again to “Scare off the competition”
DO – Target your job search in the forums or online systems.
DON’T – sit down on a Sunday morning and start going “Click click click” to fill out EVERY potential posting, even if there ARE 1,000’s online. That could appear desperate.
Do – Again, make that human connection through communication.
DON’T – Do that human connection by roasting and making up silly stories about people in the company. It might go JUST a little too far.
DO – Most importantly be persistent in your quest. If you qualify, you will get hired.
DON’T – make that persistence in to a large email, spam, junk mail, flyer, airplane buzzing the head office and TV Ad campaign. The job is cool, but the costs of this might not offset the yearly revenue.