[Funnies] What to do When Your PC Won’t Start

A little advice for you guys.   We all know the real truth. The following advice can help you when your computer won't start...

Pray.   There are computer gods.  They may actually hear your prayer.   And depending on what offering you give them (Cheese Doodles, Steak Dinner) the may or may not grant your request quickly.

Use Magic words.   Many people look down upon the need for this.   Many others completely dismiss the notion that this will even work.   Use them.   Use them fervently.   Use them creatively.  Use them fluently.   At the very least, it might get some steam out of your system.

Begin taking it apart.   Everybody knows that simply unbolting and bolting things back in always fixes computers.   Technicians do it all the time and charge phenomenal rates.   And it almost always seems to work afterwards.   So grab that trusty philips driver!  Have a Compaq?  Just use a drill to get those puppies out.   Go ahead, it will be worth it to see the machine run again.

Hit it.   The ability by many to use percussive maintenance to solve computer problems has been dismissed by many in the industry.   Fact is, percussive maintenance can be one of the greatest cures.  Power supply dead?   HIT IT.   Silly thing overheated?  HIT IT!  Got beaten by the computer for the 239th by Soliatire?  HIT IT!  The harder you hit it the more likely it might just work.

Yell at it.   Many others have been dismissing yelling at your computer as anything other than just that.   Getting out some frustration.   In reality, it has been proven that various vocal frequencies can re-align bad memory internally, reset CPU errors and even on a rare occasion make a Macintosh compatable with a Volkswagen.   Yell away.

Give it away.   This is surprisingly one of the most amazing ways to fix it.   You of course have bought a new one since you had the previous one for a long enduring 3 months.    It is an interesting side affect that when you "give it away" to your neighbour, son, daughter, bum on the street or local church; that the computer almost immediately works fine when they get it.   Consequently it will not work if you take it back.   We call this the YIN-YANG syndrome.

Of course the one sure fire way to make a computer work is to call an actual computer technician.   But this is still more along the lines of the YIN-YANG syndrome.   Get a pricy one too.  The more expensive they are, the more likely it was a moth stuck on the CPU fan (bug in the SYSTEM!) or that your little pet Rottweiller "Fluffy" decided to make a snack out of the mouse cord.   The cheaper they are, the greater your chances are it was the "Hard drive" (Funny it didn't look so hard when I had it shot).

Of course folks the most likely solution is the obvious.   The reason it didn't start was you forgot to hit the big on button or bumped the power cord.   But don't tell the technicians that.   We don't want to let their secret out.

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