[Funnies] – Don’t Mess With Bruce


A hush sits over the room.    The Canadian IT Pro team sits down for an "after meet".   A chance to sit down, cool off for a few minutes and relax after the years activities. John steps up to the mic.

"Ok guys it been a great year.  Time to decide on exactly what we're going to do for our next batch of sessions for the year."

"We could do SQL server! More SQL server.  SQL SQL SQL!"

"Ummm.... ok Damir I'll take that under advisement.  Anybody else?"

"HATS!  How to interface your computer with HATS!   We could put an Intel CPU in one and call it a "HatinTosh" (Copyright some guy).

"Uhuh thanks Rick.   That sounds errr uhhh different.  Rodney?"

"Hmmm?"

"Any thoughts?"

"I was wondering if I could hit Damir with my shoe from here."

"Great great great.  Barnaby?   You usually have some good ideas."

"Sorry I was thinking how funny it would be to see a shoe flying across the table."

"Ugh.   Kerri?"

"I thought the shoe idea was funny too."

"Argh.   Ruth?"

"Sorry, I had to shut the bluetooth off on my phone.    Some idiot on the other side of the room was trying to Bluejack me."

"Rick, put your phone away.   We're trying to be serious here."

- = * S - T - A - R - E * = -

"Heh heh heh... John's doing the 'serious look on Rick'.   He can't move a muscle now!"

"Ok sorry John.    Well what is there on the horizon?   We have so many products on the market.   And the pile of things we have under development to show people is amazing..."

*** BLINK ***

"Hey, where did Rick go?"

"That's funny he was here a minute ago."

*** BLINK ***

"Oh there he is.   That's strange.   Rick stop playing about."

"Uh what are you all talking about."

"You went away."

"No Damir I've been here the whole time."

"No you haven't."

*** BLINK ***

"Now Damir's gone!  Ok ok,  quit screwing about you guys."

*** BLINK ***

"As I said Rick, you were most definitely gone and weren't at the table at all."

"Damir, you just disappeared."

"What?"

*** BLINK *** *** BLINK ***

"What the !?@?#$$ Where did Ruth and Barnaby go?"

"This is getting weird."

"This is getting fun!"

"Cut that out Rodney or I'll do a 'Serious Stare' again.  We've got a problem here.

*** BLINK *** *** BLINK ***

"Damir you disappeared.   You really did!"

"Holy crap, Ruth and Barnaby where did you people go??"

"We were just sitting here."

"Yeah John.   No kidding."

*** BLINK ***

"Now where did Rodney go?!"

"Must be aliens!"

"Cut it out Rick.  Why would they pull people out and put them back?"

"Becuase they're funny aliens John?"

"Can you guys be serious for a minute?"

*** BLINK ***

"Yeah definitely fun!"

"Ok just what is going on here people don't just..."

*** BLINK *** *** BLINK ***

"Great now John and Kerri are gone!"

"Quick let's run away!"

"No Rick!  When they get back they're not going to be happy."

*** BLINK *** *** BLINK ***

"...disappear and reappear randomly.   This nonsense just is not realistic"

"John YOU just disappeared."

"WHAT?!"

"That's impossible he was right beside me the whole time."

"You did too Kerri."

"HUH?!"

pause

"Ok ok ok... WHOMEVER is doing this at least SHOW yourselves."

A voice booms throughout the room.

"THANK YOU FOR YOUR ASSISTANCE IN ALPHA TESTING NEW MICROSOFT SERVER VIRTUALIZATION 2010.    YOUR BODIES HAVE NOW BEEN DIGITIALLY ENCODED TO SAVE ON HEAT, HYDRO, FOOD AND WORKSPACE.   YOUR ACTUAL PHYSICAL BODIES HAVE BEEN ARCHIVED IN THE EVENT OF MINOR 'UNDOCUMENTED FEATURES' APPEARING.  SHOULD ANYTHING HAPPEN, WE WILL RE-INITIATE VIRTUALIZATION AT A LATER TIME.  AGAIN THANK YOU FOR PARTICIPATING IN OUR LATEST PRODUCT TEST"

"Oh no.  John!  We've been virtualized!"

"This is either really cool... or really scary...."

"Really cool!  Really cool!"

"WOOHOO!  We're DIGITAL!"

"Rick, Rodney... Please sit down.   I need an aspirin"

PAUSE PROCESS

\\SERVER\VHH\BARNABY.VHH

\\SERVER\VHH\DAMIR.VHH

\\SERVER\VHH\JOHN.VHH

\\SERVER\VHH\KERRI.VHH

\\SERVER\VHH\RICK.VHH

\\SERVER\VHH\RODNEY.VHH

\\SERVER\VHH\RUTH.VHH

7 Files copied

TASKKILL /F /IM VIRTUALHUMANS.EXE

"Well that will teach those silly people to make fun of old Brucey.   Think I don't have reach?   They'll learn now.   Now where did I put my guitar?"

Comments (4)

  1. ye110wbeard says:

    I’m certain Bruce is a really really really really really really really really really really really nice guy and won’t want to seek a little electronin revenge on a certain "Friday guy" right?

    Right?

    Right?

    Bruce?

    Sorry… er… Really sorry?

    Bzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzt!

    — darn deities —-

  2. Graham Jones says:

    I could have sworn that this was a "real" post but then why did it keep disappearing and re-appearing in front to my eyes? Mind you, I have only just got up and that could account for it!

  3. Dugie says:

    Hmmm, I wonder if you could SysPrep yourself and make copies of yourself?  …Oh dear, I’m afraid, very afraid 🙂

  4. ye110wbeard says:

    Just heed the title…. You can never tell what he could be up to… 😉

    We might just find ourselves zipped up neat spannable floppy disks in the bottom of some dark cabinet…

    Or even worse… You might have to work for him… and…he…..*gasp*… might be a nice guy!

    AIHAGIHAIGHAIGHAGIHAGIHAGIHAIGHIH!!!!!

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